when i got home from work last night boo was in mac’s arms, screaming. arms flailing, snot dripping, veins bulging — you know, full-on baby anger. he stopped immediately when i took him in my arms, and then gulped and sighed with relief as he latched on. an hour later we were still on the couch, and not long after that we were sound asleep — sleeping, even,  through bitsy’s dinner and bedtime.

going to work after bitsy was born was hard, but mac was home with her and it all somehow felt manageable. they snuck surprise photos into my pumping pack, texted me their daily goings-on, and occasionally sent pix to my phone. going back to work now, though, has been very difficult. i don’t know why, but i miss boo more. i’m not sure it’s because nobody is sending me minute-by-minute updates, although (duh) that might be part of it. part of it,too, might be the strangely strong bond i feel with boo — no longer quite so stunned that he is a boy, i am still surprised by how much i love his boy-ness.  and how much i can’t wait to hold and feed him when i finally see him again at the end of each day.

and i love knowing the feeling is mutual. as hard as this week has been on me, it’s been harder on boo. oh, he loves his caregiver: he eats, and sleeps, and rests calmly in her arms while i’m away. but at the end of the day the baby wants his mama. i shouldn’t be so surprised by this, since not only was bitsy the same way as an infant, she is the same way as a toddler. but still, i am caught off-guard by this little boy’s attachment to me. by this little boy, safe and sound and here, and lovable, and loving in that pure-id way that babies show what passes for love.

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