late pregnancy-induced insomnia has again brought me to my knees. and it’s not just the exhaustion the following day, which is tricky enough to manage without falling asleep, chin on belly, at my computer. it’s also the inanity of early a.m. television.

i watched a lot of good movies in the wee hours of my last trimester with bitsy. i am watching a lot of crap in the wee hours with boo. i chalk this up mostly to the fact that in the interim we cancelled our subscription(s) to various movie channels, figuring we could make do with dvds through the mail, especially since we don’t watch tons of t.v. anyway. but when you’re wide awake at 3 am, sometimes a movie channel is just the, um, ticket.

the last time i couldn’t sleep after 3 am i tried to read and i worked on boo’s blanket. the next day i had to un-stitch approximately 1 1/2 inches of error-filled knitting — and at 245 stitches per row and 8 rows per inch, with five weeks or less to knit a little more than half the blanket, i can’t really afford to keep screwing up like that. so last night (well, this morning) when i woke up i was determined to entertain myself with bad television that would help me go back to sleep.

turns out there is plenty of bad tv  during those wee hours. i learned all about the ‘dream.body,’ a non-corset, non-girdle, unseamed, breathable, perfectly comfortable and gorgeously flattering engineered item of female undergarment that is guaranteed to make you look 2 sizes smaller than you are, all the while lifting the breasts, tucking the tummy, and amplifying the caboose. and i learned about — oh hell, i’ve forgotten the name — another similar feat of architecture that you wear over your own bra that amps up the breasts so they look “just like they used to.” oh! and i shouldn’t forget the endless parade of gemstone jewelry, each item priced to SELL at, sometimes, as low as 10% of retail. amazing. and if i bought all this AND the how-to-get-rich-on-ebay set of books and dvds, i could be buying lots of cool stuff, selling it all back to hapless saps just like me, and getting rich in the process.

now if i’d only been more awake, i could be bedecked and bejeweled as i go about my day today planning my rich and cozy future. at least it would distract from the bluish-purple bags under my eyes.