bitsy is preparing, in her own toddler way, for her brother boo to make his appearance. of all the many things she is trying to adapt to, her  favorite is her new big girl bed. and while she loves that she can climb in and out of it on her own, her newfound sense of autonomy is coupled with the very baby-like behavior of suddenly needing to carry around her blanket and her teddy bear — neither of which she has ever shown the remotest interest in.

so now it is not uncommon for her to come padding into our bedroom, blanket and teddy in tow, calling “mama, up” and asking to come to bed with us. (neither is it uncommon for her to sleep through the night entirely in her bed, so i figure we’re about halfway to success.)

but last night was hell. she was in our bed almost all night long, and for most of that time she was awake. she’s quiet when she’s awake, lying there rubbing her tummy or playing with her toes. but last night what she wanted more than anything was to be close to her mama. she needed to stay in contact with me, and if i rolled over (to relieve my aching hips) or got up to go to the bathroom she immediately burst into tears. but when i would come back to her, hold her and ask her if everything was okay, she would smile and say “yes” as she nuzzled into my arms.

the best moment of the night — even better than 5:01 a.m., when she finally fell asleep and stayed asleep — was the moment she scooted herself nearer to me, reached out with her soft little hands, rubbed my left shoulder, and said softly “touch, mama. touch.”