one thing about fertility treatment: it has sure changed our perspective on twins. i read once that twins used to be a bad omen, they were considered so unnatural. but now all they really signal is the increase in medical interventions to help women have children. i half suspect that all parents of twins are now immediately assumed to have undergone ART of some sort.

when i was a kid i was fascinated by twins — although i most certainly did not want to be one, perhaps because they held a place so mythical and even eerie in my mind. as an adult woman ttc, i thought having twins would be great: one pregnancy, complete family. voila. the possibility of twins, in the span of my own lifetime and in the confines of my puny brain, has shifted from magical to medical, from eerie to enviable.

seven pregnancies, no twins. so it surprised me to conceive twins this time around — my last pregnancy (no matter the outcome). and it both saddened and relieved me, in odd and even eerie ways, when one died. (even experienced deadbabymamas must cringe hearing a woman express relief that one of her children has died. or maybe deadbabymamas are the only ones who understand.) and because the twins were conceived naturally and then again because one died, i’m back to feeling, a bit, a bit of the mystery. and like all good mysteries, i see hints of it everywhere.